How many times a day are you asked “how are
you doing?” How often does the question actually have meaning? Very rarely. It’s
usually just an automatic part of speech. The person asking it doesn’t really
want to know how you’re doing and would likely prove to be impatient if you
were to take the time to tell them. If you run into someone and say “I remember
the last time we spoke you were thinking about changing jobs. How’s the hunt
going? Are you feeling any happier in your current gig?” That’s a very
different kind of question. That’s showing care and interest. When you do that
people feel good about themselves and feel good about you.
About a month into university I walked by a
guy on campus who I recognized from residence. We had never spoken before but
this was the third time we had crossed paths and exchanged nods so this time we
decided to stop and chat. We both had time before our next classes so we
decided to grab lunch. When we sat down to lunch he asked me “So Rob, how are
you doing?” I told him I’m doing fine. He said, “No, no, no, how are you really
doing?” The question caught me off guard for a second but then I opened up to
him. I told him about feeling a bit weird about my Israeli girlfriend returning
home, and still getting adjusted socially to living in Montreal but on the
whole life was going well. We had a real conversation. This guy went on to be
my roommate and best friend through university.
I find it particularly enjoyable to go
about life this way. When I take an interest in people and give them my proper
attention I feel good about myself and it makes me happy. Similarly, I find
that I get the best out of people. When you treat people in a way that makes
them feel good they treat you well which in turn makes you treat them even
better. The positivity builds on itself. It’s an awful lot like smiling. When
you smile, the world smiles back at you. Being a kind, engaged person is a
reward in and of itself but it has other long term rewards too.
Have you ever met a person that things
always seem to work out for? A person who seems ill prepared, kind of goofy but
somehow their ass always lands in the butter. (it’s an actual expression, I
promise). I’m that guy! I’ve been told numerous times that I was born with a
horseshoe up my ass (horseshoes are lucky apparently).
I’m sure part of it is that I’m just plain
lucky. However, I’m confident that I’ve created some of my own luck just by
being good to people. When you’re good to people as you walk through life you
find people willing and eager to help you at opportune times. I got my first
real job in life because a friend of a friend unsolicited thought give me the
username and password to his university job board. I had established a
connection with him when we had spoken in passing. Taking the time to get to
know him resulted in him thinking of me. It was an easy favor for him to do and
it made a big difference to me. Fast forward two years later and I got him a
job with my neighbor. Fast forward a year after that and he set me up with his
girlfriend’s cute friend. It was a nice cycle of goodwill, favors and karma. I
got my second professional project because I volunteered my time to help when I
had nothing to gain. When circumstances changed I had already established trust.
The same rule proves itself in smaller ways
too. You’re in much better shape when you’re running late to file a document if
you’ve established a rapport with the filing clerk. Similarly, you’ll be happy
you took the time to get to know your neighbor when you board a flight and
aren’t sure if you turned the oven off.
So again, take an interest in people. It’s
its own reward and you’ll see somehow life seems to just work out a lot
smoother when you’ve made friends along the way.
